Hi everyone! I decided to change things up a bit this week and get real and personal with you. My long distance relationship is a huge part of my life and something I never thought would be the reality of my life after college. As I was nearing the end of my senior year, knowing that I would be moving across the country, I accepted the fact that I was leaving Pennsylvania and that maybe I would meet someone after I moved. I wasn’t interested in establishing a committed relationship that I would soon have to leave behind. Then, just like in the movies, Eddie and I ran into each other at the bar, locked eyes and the rest was history. But seriously. About a month after the night we met, he moved back home to Philadelphia and I moved down to South Florida.

To be honest, I thought that was going to be it. I knew I wanted to make it work but I knew that if it was going to work it had to be what we both wanted to commit to. We made the jump and two years later, we are stronger than ever. I’m not going to say that these two years have been easy, but I can say that they have been worth it. I think it’s safe to say we have both learned so much about ourselves, each other and what it takes to have a strong, healthy relationship, even when we are far apart.

I came up with ten questions that I thought might be helpful to those of you who are thinking about a long distance relationship or are in one already. This was a really fun exercise for us so I hope you enjoy.

Long Distance Q&A

       1. What do you think is the most important factor in a long-distance relationship?

Him: The single most important factor required for a successful long-distance relationship is reciprocity. All relationships are two way streets but a traditional relationship can hide one members’ effort deficit. Lack of love, interest, motivation, and/or initiative amplifies itself quickly in a long-distance relationship, or LDR, as I like to call it.

Her: I think it is really important to be transparent. When you can’t see each other physically, sometimes you start to actually feel far. If you are transparent and completely open to each other, it’s easier to feel closer together. Eddie and I tell each other silly little things about our day that makes us feel like we are with one another and it makes the distance that much easier.

2. What is the biggest difference between long-distance relationships and normal relationships?

Him: Although the differences are numerous, one that stands out among the rest is the requirement to be proactive. There are, of course, copious similarities between the two relationships but none of those features can parallel each other without extensive planning on the LDR side. Booking flights, hotels, transportation and dining reservations does not bode well in the face of procrastination. Most of our weekends together are booked 1 month in advance to avoid wasted time; our arched nemesis.

Her: I agree completely with Eddie on this one. Another difference is that since we don’t spend a lot of time together, we try to do something fun and cram a bunch of things in the day but we miss out on day to day activities like grocery shopping together and going to the gym. A lot of those daily activities we do alone.

3. What is the biggest problem you face in your long-distance relationship?

Him: Time. Long or short, all of our memories end in airport security; one person standing in the turnstiles, the other facing backwards as the escalator offers the first few feet of a thousand-mile trip.

Her: Eddie and I are very different. He uses logic, I use emotion and sometimes I let my emotions get in the way. When you go 5 weeks without seeing each other, it can start to feel as though you’re alone. But, we always remind each other that even though we aren’t physically together, we have each other and that won’t change.

4. What is important to make your relationship strong?

Him: I think number one answers this question!

Her: Always remembering that the distance is temporary and it truly is only making us stronger. I think Eddie and I have a really strong relationship and it is because we acknowledge and appreciate each other for who we are, not the time we have together. If you love someone, nothing else matters. Also – keep things interesting. We recently had a really hard time finding a weekend that worked for us and I surprised Eddie. Watch the video here!

5. What kind of advice would you give to someone who is thinking about starting a long-distance relationship or is currently in one?

Him: Share the responsibility of the relationship. This is not only a game of fairness but also a perpetual test to be sure that both contestants are equally interested.

Her: Plan ahead, have a long term goal, don’t take a second together for granted, take fun trips and remember that love will overcome the difficult times.

6. How has the distance helped you grow individually?

Him: Aside from becoming a mature adult, taking greater initiative and learning how to budget LDR has taught me to value every single second of moments that I cherish.

Her: I’ve always struggled with communication and being a thousand miles apart has helped me learn the importance of speaking what’s on my mind and releasing my emotions. The foundation of our relationship is built on our communication.

7. What are your communication habits? What works best?

Him: 1. Initiate

        2. Never assume

        3. Compromise

        4. Use logic, not emotion (when I’m mad)

        5. Use emotion, not logic (when she’s mad)

Her: Talk on the phone a lot, send a lot of pictures, send love letters in the mail, make each other feel included in the other person’s daily life. We always make a point to FaceTime before bed and never fall asleep without saying goodnight on the phone. Using your voice, rather than texting is important. Sometimes we talk out scenarios in our head (I can picture you sitting here next to me, holding my hand, etc.). It helps!

8. How do you save money while planning visits?

Him: Good one.

Her: It’s tough! One tool we have found useful is the Hopper app. It is an app that allows you to put a flight on hold and it will predict what day the price will drop so that you can purchase at a lower rate.

9. What is your favorite part of long distance?

Him: The first 10 seconds when we encounter.

Her: Definitely when we reunite at the airport. I cannot even describe the feeling. I also like that the distance helps us appreciate every moment.

10. What is your least favorite part of long distance?

Him: The first 10 seconds when we depart.

Her: What he said. I am usually fine until I get through security, then I have to fight the tears. Aside from that, missing out on everyday life together. But, I love him and that’s all that matters.

Read 10 tips for long distance lovers!